Just wrote this for the school newspaper, tell me what you think Options

[Mommy]

Comments, suggestions please. Im trying to get an array of publications before the end of Oct so that I can send off clippings of articles I wrote so that I can get an internship. I just was offered a weekly entertainment column and I also write news articles randomly, both for the school paper. I chose the celebrity gossip to write on, but it had to be celebrity gossip... gay, I know. Anyways, any comments and suggestions about style, format, grammar, spelling, etc are greatly appreciated....however, dont comment on content please. I realize its a cheesy opening, but its my first column article so I have to kind of open my set.... anyways, here you go:


Celebrity gossip is the name of this game, and most of us are here to play along, whether we want to openly admit it or not. This summer was packed full of juicy celebrity mishaps to sink our teeth into, and who better to start off with than the queen of catastrophe herself, Britney Spears.

As if Britney's train wreck of a performance at the MTV Video Music Awards didn't bring her enough publicity for the remainder of the year, she's made the headlines once again, this time for a hit and run accident and driving without a license. While the incident occurred Aug. 6, the Los Angeles City Attorney's Office sent her a letter Sept. 21 notifying her of the two misdemeanor charges she faces. Fortunately for those involved in the parked-car- incident, Spears was not wearing her VMA wardrobe, which greatly aided in cleanup efforts. Our hearts go out to those women and men brave enough to drive the same streets in Hollywood, Cal. that Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Paris Hilton frequent. Godspeed...

It's pretty safe to say that O.J. Simpson ruined the summer of 1995 for kids everywhere when he went on trial for the murder of ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman. July of that year marked sweltering, record-setting temperatures in the Southwest United States, leaving most children stranded indoors with their parents watching the O.J. Trial. Twelve years later, children across the U.S. once again quiver in fear in light of Simpson's Sept. 16 arrest in Las Vegas on allegations of armed robbery, kidnapping and assault. For the sake of America's youth, let's hope for a mild summer next year.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for, drum roll please: Kanye West has won the gallant battle against 50 Cent, outselling him by a whopping 300,000 albums. In the minute possibility that you have better things to do than keep up with the latest battle of the rappers, 50 Cent vowed to retire from his rapping career if Kanye's album Graduation outsold his album Curtis, both released Sept. 11. Does this tragedy mark the end of 50 Cent's rapping career? It's doubtful. The rapper/actor managed to survive nine gunshot wounds to the head and body; and as catastrophic as it may seem, 50 Cent should be able to recover from this ego crippling incident as well. Even 50's camp has yet to confirm or deny whether he plans to follow suite with his retirement. Despite significantly trailing Mr. West in record sales, 50 still has the second highest record sales of the year. Not too shabby for a guy who "walks with a limp."

[Dogmeat]

Celebrity gossip is the name of this game and most of us play along, whether we want to openly admit it or not. This summer was packed full of juicy celebrity mishaps to sink our teeth into and who better to start off with than the queen of catastrophe herself... Britney Spears.

As if Britney's train wreck of a performance at the MTV Video Music Awards didn't bring her enough publicity for the remainder of the year, she's made the headlines once again. Her latest shenanigans was a hit and run accident while driving without a license. While the incident occurred Aug. 6, the Los Angeles City Attorney's Office sent her a letter Sept. 21 notifying her of the two misdemeanor charges she faces. Our hearts go out to those women and men brave enough to drive the same streets in Hollywood, Cal. that Spears, Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton frequent. Godspeed...

It's pretty safe to say that O.J. Simpson ruined the summer of 1995 for kids everywhere when he went on trial for the murder of ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman. July of that year marked sweltering, record-setting temperatures in the Southwest United States leaving most children stranded indoors with their parents watching the O.J. Trial. Twelve years later, children across the U.S. once again quiver in fear in light of Simpson's Sept. 16 arrest in Las Vegas on allegations of armed robbery, kidnapping and assault. For the sake of America's youth let's hope for a mild summer next year!

Well ladies and gentlemen, the results are in! Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for, drum roll please! Kanye West has won the gallant battle against 50 Cent, outselling him by a whopping 300,000 albums. In the minute possibility that you have better things to do than keep up with the latest battle of the rappers, 50 Cent vowed to retire from his rapping career if Kanye's album Graduation outsold his album Curtis. Does this tragedy mark the end of 50 Cent's rapping career? It's doubtful. The rapper/actor managed to survive nine gunshot wounds to the head and body; and as catastrophic as it may seem, 50 Cent should be able to recover from this ego crippling incident as well. Even 50's camp has yet to confirm or deny whether he plans to follow suite with his retirement. Despite significantly trailing Mr. West in record sales, 50 still has the second highest record sales of the year. Not too shabby for a guy who "walks with a limp."

I did some proof reading. You seem to be comma-crazy, and use some run-on sentences .... you also seem to add in additional information that really doesn't add anything to the statements you're making within the context of the sentences they appear in ... I ran through this quickly, if you want more help I can try when I'm not holding back a massive dump I'm going to go take real quick.

[Spectatrix]

I don't think she's comma-crazy, nor do I see any run-on sentences. The only thing I noticed is that "suite" should be "suit".

[Dogmeat]

I don't think she's comma-crazy, nor do I see any run-on sentences. The only thing I noticed is that "suite" should be "suit".

Celebrity gossip is the name of this game, and most of us are here to play along, whether we want to openly admit it or not.

This appears to be a run-on sentence.

I suggest:

Celebrity gossip is the name of this game and most of us play along, whether we want to openly admit it or not.

I was always taught you don't do "comma and" ... and is a conjunctive word by itself therefore does not need prior punction or something...

I dont know I just know my english professors used to grade off heavily for that type of thing.

[Spectatrix]

That's not a run-on, but you're right that she doesn't need that first comma.

[Jim]

Not a run-on but first comma = go

[impala454]

is there an echo in here?

[blaarg]

you use <, conjunction> if you're combining two sentences together

[Mommy]

Actually, I do need that first comma. Most = subject of new sentence and are= verb. I wrote that at 3 in the morning so Im not saying that the punctuation is perfect because I havent really proofread it much but I know there arent any run-ons and I know the proper use for a comma. Also remember that this for a newspaper so the style is to be a little comma happy (newspapers are quick-read so comma's give the natural pause that make reading easier).
I do like your suggestion for the sentence revision, Aaron, because "are" makes my sentence wordy; however in your sentence I need the comma. Most =subject play=verb of new sentence after celebrity =subject and is= verb.
I proofread for the paper... I just approached them and told them that I want to start writing also and they offered me a column.

[jonathan83]

i would use the comma just like jessica did. nothing wrong with that.

[Oasis]

It's pretty safe to say that O.J. Simpson ruined the summer of 1995 for kids everywhere when he went on trial for the murder of ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman. July of that year marked sweltering, record-setting temperatures in the Southwest United States, leaving most children stranded indoors with their parents watching the O.J. Trial. Twelve years later, children across the U.S. once again quiver in fear in light of Simpson's Sept. 16 arrest in Las Vegas on allegations of armed robbery, kidnapping and assault. For the sake of America's youth, let's hope for a mild summer next year.

Not entirely accurate.

The trial actually started in January of 1995. By the summer, everyone was sick and tired of hearing about it. Most kids were interested the first few months, then when summer hit we turned to swimming and baseball and sneaking out of the house. I think the only time I cared was in June with the whole leather glove thing, then in October when the verdict was finally reached. Anyone who grew up with that crap all over Court TV and the nightly news for nine months straight got tired of it real quick. I think that's when every kid realized that court wasn't as cool as it was portrayed on TV. It's boring as shit in real life

[Mommy]

entirely different on my end. That summer Arizona, New Mexico, West Texas (El Paso), and California had record temperatures. Kids couldnt go outside because it was still in the high 90's at 8:30 at night. Temperatures reached 110+ degrees during the day. Its funny, I actually have seen several comedy routines talking about kids having no fun during the OJ trial... I guess it kinda depends on the house you grew up in. My family avidly watched the trial the whole time.

[Melanie]

It didn't ruin my summer, I freakin loved it!

And Jessica, this coming out in the Star tomorrow?

[Dogmeat]

i would use the comma just like jessica did. nothing wrong with that.

then you would be wrong .....

[Mommy]

It didn't ruin my summer, I freakin loved it!

And Jessica, this coming out in the Star tomorrow?

yes. I think so. The trends editor is in editorial board right now, but I showed it to her before she went in and she liked it a lot.