boy and me, interracial, interpolitical, interreligion dating Options

[Inferia]

So there's this guy I like, I've known him for a while now, but nothing really happened. We've talked some regarding relationships, his and mine, I think most of the time the talk is prompted by me. I can't tell if he likes me or not, or just sees me as a little sister type of thing. I've never really been in this situation before. He's not the type who would just do random/causal dating, he has to be able to see a future with the girl before he really dates her, and I am more or less the same way. But there seems to be so many uncertainties that stands between us. The best way to describe him is all American, I can't really find any other words for it. It's not that big of a deal, but interracial relationships always make me a little bit nervous. But more importantly, he is catholic, and a fairly religious catholic (I guess I am more or less agnostic). He told me that he hasn't totally eliminated the possible of not marrying a catholic girl, but he thinks it would be kind of sad if the wife doesn't go to church with the family. He is also somewhat republican, and I'm more democrate, but I guess I don't known if this should be a big deal. The other thing is, he is a friend, I see him every single day for lunch, and he will be moving into the house I currently live in in July right next door to my room. I don't really want to make him feel uncomfortable with any talks of a relationship if he is not interested. I guess I just don't want it to be awkward between us since we will be seeing a lot of each other. So I don't really know what to do.

[cupcake]

whoa slow down sister!

y'all aren't dating and you're talking about marriage possibility?!?

first things first, interracial happens. interpolitical DEFINITELY happens. and interreligion happens.

people find ways to make that shit work...and over time you kind of morph...no sweat.

what matters truly or not is how he feels about YOU. not your thoughts on healthcare.

I recently heard that a girl who I was real close with in college had it hard for me. I never once knew it, nor did I see her like that...she was a sister type. I now feel sad and bad for her that all that time she was smitten, while I'm over there checking out other chicks.

I hope for you that isn't the case here.

one sure fire way to remove yourself from any friend zone doubt, is to be more upfront with him about it all. screw making him uncomfortable...better than you having a wounded heart.

I sincerely wish you all the luck and well wishes in the world. the only chink in my armor is true, pure, fresh romantic possibility...

[FORSAKENR320]

i never understood why women worry so much over the "friend" issue. women ruin more potential good relationships by putting guys in the "friends zone" guys do it too, but it's fanatical among girls. i swear, sometimes i wanna slap a bitch upside the head with a duct tape covered brick because of that shit. wouldn't it be BETTER to be in a relationship with someone you get along with already and know more intimately? that's been the majority of my dating experience, dating friends, and it hasn't gone wrong often. the key is just keeping things from getting awkward after the break up. but if you're getting into a relationship knowing you'll break up eventually, you're dating for the wrong reasons.

[Inferia]

Marriage or not, that's kind of how I analyze relationships, and I think it's the same way for him too. Interracial, interpolitical, interreligion, hand me any of one of them I can handle, heck I think I could even take a combination, but the trifecta kind of throws me off a bit. It seems like we may be too different. That is not the case for me cupcake, as far as I know he's only had one relationship and I've never seen him hit on anyone. Would you have dated the girl who had it hard for you?

I would probably perfer to date a friend (actually I wouldn't know cuz I've never dated a friend), but it's the prospect that he doesn't like me and we get into this awkward space. Perhaps I wouldn't care as much if we didn't "work together" (he works down the hall from me) and live together, but it's another thing if I have to see him day in and day out. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from him, perhaps that is because I like him. I end up analyzing (or over analyzing) his every move if it's just a friendly move, or more. I don't have any siblings so I don't really know how brothers and sisters behave around each other. But he has said that when he's around from home, he needs someone to push around. I've always thought of him as a smooth operater, if not that at least someone who's up front about what he wants. Maybe he isn't... I guess currently, I'm just waiting for him to move in and see what happens then. It's funny two of his labmates have asked him (and me) if I'm his girlfriend.

[Mommy]

Whats the point of dating someone if you cant see yourself married to that person? I think thats the point Inferia is trying to make. I agree with her there.

Other than that, Cupcake (hah still sounds gay) is right on the money

[cupcake]

I belive dating is more an interview and time to get to know someone and see if you're compatible.

how the hell would you know if you're gonna marry them or not if you've never even gone on one date? the chick logic here baffles me...

regardless, no inferia, I would have never dated her. I wasn't attracted to her at all. I just was good pals with her.

if you and this guy are looks-equal, then that would be cool. I had a galpal who was attractive once. I didn't figure she liked me, so I was just cool with being rad friends because she was a blast.

one night she comes home from a date (we lived on the same floor of the apts) and knocks on my door and is all saying she digs me...at which point, it was on like donkey kong.

I tell you this because if he is on a higher level of good looks than you, then no he's probably not into you "that way". if it's pretty even...then go for it.

[Mommy]

well, some people just date to date... even if they dont think they are compatible with a person. They just want casual relationships and nothing serious. Youre right. It is like an interview....but an interview to see if you are compatible... compatible to take the relationship further...compatible to be married.

[cupcake]

right...but that's why people break up? you get to a point and you're not seeing it go further, or maybe the other person isn't.

I'm more concerned with inferia either:

1. barking up the wrong tree...as in if he is way out of her league or not.

2. not doing anything about it and just harboring these feelings, which is not good, and by doing that you cut yourself off from perhaps someone who does feel that way, but you can't see it because you're pining away for some guy.

awkward be damned...if you want no doubts, be up front with him about how you are feeling.

[impala454]

show him your tits















-or-

Just casually, slowly introduce the idea that you want more out of the relationship. "Accidentally" grab his hand and hold it for a sec. Get a little more touchy feely, just squeeze his shoulder, knee, or arm every now and then. Give him an extra big hug, etc. See how he reacts and don't over analyze. If he shys away from it, he's probably not interested in anything further than what you already have. But honestly, touch is a huge factor. Most women I have known who were interested in a guy, or even (shocker) me, stepped up the touchy feely some, and that sent enough messages without some creepy "let's talk" kinda thing. And usually if the guy shys away from it, he won't feel weird or anything and you can generally stay friends.

kinda strange thing though... he's moving into your house?

edit; oh yeah and was gonna mention, don't worry about the political stuff or anything else. that goes for friends as well as relationships. i know i had some friends who were on the complete opposite side of the spectrum as me. we didn't care, we didn't talk about it much. or if we did, we'd argue about it some, but hey good friends can argue like that and not get all huffy about it.

[Inferia]

well if dating is like an interview, we've been through that part already, but just as friends. We've asked each other what I consider fairly date-y questions. I don't know how we compare looks wise, he's cute, and I don't think I'm unfortunate looking, and I've always had trouble judging interracial look-equalities.

on the issue of touch, I feel like he's touched me more tha I've touched him. I mean, he pushes me around sometimes, and once he put his arm around me, which makes me think that maybe he's interested. Then he does other things that make me think we're just friends, it's like a little sister type of thing. I guess next time I go over to his house to watch a movie I can just lean on him or something. And yeah, he's moving to the room next to mine, I live in a house with a bunch of people in my department.

[impala454]

ah yes, good, the lean works well too

[cupcake]

he's pushing you around and crap? sounds like a flirty, don't know what to do kind of youth frustration...

here is what I want you to do...

how are you dressing around him right now? jeans, tshirt, normal stuff? you need to advertise your sex for him. I'm not saying act like a slut or give it up, but show him you can turn up the heat. even if you don't feel particularly sexy, fake the funk...and dude yourself up for him one night/day...see how he reacts.

you're asian right? ever thought of playing that up in a way that won't send mixed messages? like dress up all asian fantasy like a school girl with pigtails or something and act all coy and aloof...

that may be over the top for you, but that shit would work like catnip...meow...

[Mommy]

Its always going to be awkward living with someone you have feelings for. Been there done that. Weird thing is that when I lived with him, I had a small crush on him. After we lived together I found out that he had a pretty big crush on me but didnt want to ruin the friendship when we lived together by telling me. Maybe thats what is going on with this guy.

[cupcake]

fuck it all...

next movie night, straddle his lap and plant one on him.

NO REGRETS!!! NO SURRENDER!!! IF YOU HESITATE, YOU WILL NOT KILL!!! BLOOD MAKES THE GRASS GROW!!! PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!!! SEMPER FI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Inferia]

Yeah, today at lunch he sat next to me and leaned against my elbow (like little kids do when they claim a certain desk space) and tried to push my arm off of the table. Sometimes he would push me around like I'm in his way when we're walking down the hall.

I dress how I normally dress for work. I don't really think he's interested in the Asian stuff, at least I prefer it not to be like that. He's seen me in dresses and stuff when we go out to a bar or a movie or something, and a couple of times he said I look nice. But I can't tell if that's just a friend paying a complement to another friend, or more. I don't think the sexy stuff work on him, because he's said to me he doesn't really like it when girls dresses very provocatively. Man, why the hell do I know all this...

I guess I'll look cute for next movie night.