Just wrote this for the school newspaper, tell me what you think Options

[Mommy]

Comments, suggestions please. Im trying to get an array of publications before the end of Oct so that I can send off clippings of articles I wrote so that I can get an internship. I just was offered a weekly entertainment column and I also write news articles randomly, both for the school paper. I chose the celebrity gossip to write on, but it had to be celebrity gossip... gay, I know. Anyways, any comments and suggestions about style, format, grammar, spelling, etc are greatly appreciated....however, dont comment on content please. I realize its a cheesy opening, but its my first column article so I have to kind of open my set.... anyways, here you go:


Celebrity gossip is the name of this game, and most of us are here to play along, whether we want to openly admit it or not. This summer was packed full of juicy celebrity mishaps to sink our teeth into, and who better to start off with than the queen of catastrophe herself, Britney Spears.

As if Britney's train wreck of a performance at the MTV Video Music Awards didn't bring her enough publicity for the remainder of the year, she's made the headlines once again, this time for a hit and run accident and driving without a license. While the incident occurred Aug. 6, the Los Angeles City Attorney's Office sent her a letter Sept. 21 notifying her of the two misdemeanor charges she faces. Fortunately for those involved in the parked-car- incident, Spears was not wearing her VMA wardrobe, which greatly aided in cleanup efforts. Our hearts go out to those women and men brave enough to drive the same streets in Hollywood, Cal. that Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Paris Hilton frequent. Godspeed...

It's pretty safe to say that O.J. Simpson ruined the summer of 1995 for kids everywhere when he went on trial for the murder of ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman. July of that year marked sweltering, record-setting temperatures in the Southwest United States, leaving most children stranded indoors with their parents watching the O.J. Trial. Twelve years later, children across the U.S. once again quiver in fear in light of Simpson's Sept. 16 arrest in Las Vegas on allegations of armed robbery, kidnapping and assault. For the sake of America's youth, let's hope for a mild summer next year.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for, drum roll please: Kanye West has won the gallant battle against 50 Cent, outselling him by a whopping 300,000 albums. In the minute possibility that you have better things to do than keep up with the latest battle of the rappers, 50 Cent vowed to retire from his rapping career if Kanye's album Graduation outsold his album Curtis, both released Sept. 11. Does this tragedy mark the end of 50 Cent's rapping career? It's doubtful. The rapper/actor managed to survive nine gunshot wounds to the head and body; and as catastrophic as it may seem, 50 Cent should be able to recover from this ego crippling incident as well. Even 50's camp has yet to confirm or deny whether he plans to follow suite with his retirement. Despite significantly trailing Mr. West in record sales, 50 still has the second highest record sales of the year. Not too shabby for a guy who "walks with a limp."

[jonathan83]

i would use the comma just like jessica did. nothing wrong with that.

[Dogmeat]

i would use the comma just like jessica did. nothing wrong with that.

then you would be wrong .....

[Mommy]

then you would be wrong .....

I think its just that you are used to less wordy writing because I used proper punctuation. Proper comma usage is 1) comma between two sentences joined by a conjuction, 2) sometimes preceeding or following a dependent clause, 3) after a portion of a sentence where a natural pause is present. Of course there are more; however, these are the ones that are most relelvent to this story.