HAPPY NEW YEARS, FUCKERS Options

[Seussninja]

=)

[FORSAKENR320]

AS WE GROW

They say hindsight is 20/20, that anyone can win the battle after it's over, and that the memory we will hold onto the hardest will always be regret.....

I find myself this new years eve night, sitting in a cold car alone, wondering what has become of my life. i look back, and i see so many failures, so many dumb mistakes that could have been corrected had i only paid closer attention. where could i have been had i only realised what a mistake too much loyalty to an unworthy situation would cause me? what would have happened had i only acted sooner to getting business taken care of? why oh why must i procrastinate to take that ambitious first step forward, for when i finally do, i find my opportunity has already passed. the pressure of doing it all alone is so much right now, but i look back into my past, and i think "it wasn't so bad back then, why did i crack under the pressure?"

As we grow, i believe that how we define our own existence is based on the experiences we have absorbed. like a water balloon slowly being filled for the first time, our souls and minds are stretched to their capacity, but if at anytime, we were to look back at how full we were 5 seconds before, we would always say "that wasn't so bad, i should have known i could have handled that back then" while at the same time, worry over the pressure we are currently under, and 5 seconds into the future be able to look back at the present and once again think "i should have known." what do these thoughts accomplish? one would say they are only a hindrance to our ability and ambition, but is regret the only thing that makes us hold back?

As we grow, we find ourselves fearing many things, but the fear of the unknown is the greatest of all. that great black darkness in the basement is much more scary than the small blood stain on the work bench beside it. then, when we finally get the courage to explore closer, we find that what we conceived to be a blood stain is actually a bit of red paint from grandpa's latest toy for your younger brother, and that the darkness we so feared to contain some horrible evil merely houses a few furry little balls of fluff and we find ourselves with an armful of kittens. does this mean that we should go through life without fear? hardly, for just as we were overly cautious, we too can be overly naive, and instead find our cuddly little kittens to not be kittens at all, but a blood thirsty maniac with a particular hatred against furry little balls of fluff and those beings who enjoy them. what do these thoughts accomplish? one would say they are only a hindrance to our ability and ambition, but is fear the only thing that makes us hold back?

As we grow, instead of making steady progress, we tend to have lapses of stagnation and progressiveness. the progressive periods lead us to accomplishment, and a sense of pride, while the stagnation periods lead to depression and a feeling of worthlessness. over all, both of these periods are necessary, for if one felt nothing but accomplishment, what would be there to challenge that person? what trophy would mean anything to the person owning it if said trophy was just handed to him by a stranger for no reason or accomplishment? at the same time, without a progressive streak, what would motivate a person to continue living if there was no hope he would ever succeed? life needs a challenge to have a meaning, and what better challenge than our own fears of failure? what better motivator to improve ourselves than our own regrets? what do these thoughts accomplish? one would say they are only a hindrance to our ability and ambition, but is ignorance the only thing that makes us hold back?

It is new years day, and i find myself sitting in a cold car alone, wondering what has become of my life. the dawn of a new year rises, and with it all the hopes, ambitions, successes, failures, moments of ignorance and the regrets of the previous year drive us to make new years resolutions, a mind game to make us all stand up with new hope and say "i will move forward.... as we grow."

(impromptu writing by Brandon Hobgood january 1, 2007)