 What should I say... |
| What should I say... |
 Jun 8 2007, 05:29 PM
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#1
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 Group: Members Posts: 926 Joined: 2-May 07 Member No.: 1,015  |
So one of my good friends just found out her Mom has cancer. This is the closest that anyone I know has had it, and I was wondering if anyone knows the best thing to say/do (because, "I'm so sorry" can only go so far.)
This is all new to me, so I was just seeing if anyone had any good advice. --------------------  |
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Jun 8 2007, 05:37 PM
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#2
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 GORILLA FLUFFER  Group: Agents Posts: 7,711 Joined: 23-February 06 From: lubbock Member No.: 50 |
be strong, be confident, BE THERE FOR HER AND LISTEN. you have to be the rock of stability while her world is turned upside down. but be her friend. talk to her on the issues, but don't let her change the way she lives her life because of it. act normal basically. because if you let her turn it into a huge drastic experience in her mind, it will just cause her to freak out more.
(btw, my girlfriend lauren just got through with her cancer. found it in december, 3 surgerys later, and the doctor says she is cancer free now.) --------------------  QUOTE (Jessica @ May 7 2007, 01:15 PM)  but yeehaw dammit. YEEHAW QUOTE (Dogmeat @ Jun 26 2008, 07:51 PM) ok once upon a time I jacked myself off retarded. Licking anuses, one kindergarten class at a time!! |
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Jun 8 2007, 05:48 PM
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#3
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 Group: Moderators Posts: 885 Joined: 22-February 06 From: Lubbock, Texas Member No.: 12 |
ya just be there for them and keep them occupied, nothings worse than an idle mind. My moms going through it and its nice to just hang out with friends that i know will be there when i need them
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Jun 8 2007, 05:52 PM
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#4
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Group: Members Posts: 926 Joined: 2-May 07 Member No.: 1,015 |
those things sound good.
Is there anything to do in the immediate though, or should i let her mull it over for a day or so? -------------------- |
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Jun 8 2007, 08:37 PM
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#5
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GORILLA FLUFFER Group: Agents Posts: 7,711 Joined: 23-February 06 From: lubbock Member No.: 50 |
she's going to mull over it no matter what. don't wait, but don't act like an ass and pretend it's not a big deal. just make sure she knows you're trying to distract her. if she knows you're trying to help rather than getting the impression you "don't care" she'll understand and appreciate it, and it's less likely she'll take something out of context. because it could be a very touchy subject.
-------------------- QUOTE (Jessica @ May 7 2007, 01:15 PM) but yeehaw dammit. YEEHAW QUOTE (Dogmeat @ Jun 26 2008, 07:51 PM) ok once upon a time I jacked myself off retarded. Licking anuses, one kindergarten class at a time!! |
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Jun 9 2007, 06:23 AM
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#6
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Fool Group: Members Posts: 2,127 Joined: 23-February 06 From: LBB Member No.: 56 |
JYFIHP to help her forget about it?
Seriously though, when people come to me for advice/similar stuff, I just answer/comment/console in a non-bullshit way. It tends to work out for the best. Subtlety isn't one of my strong suits, I guess. -------------------- Spam? Isn't that something poor people eat?
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Jun 9 2007, 01:01 PM
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#7
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I was raised on the dairy, BITCH! Group: Members Posts: 3,080 Joined: 23-February 06 From: Cedar Park Member No.: 49 |
QUOTE (James @ Jun 9 2007, 07:23 AM) JYFIHP to help her forget about it? I was waiting for this -------------------- "Ah, y'know it's funny, these people they go to sleep, they think everything's fine, everything's good. They wake up the next day and they're on fire."
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Jun 9 2007, 01:33 PM
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#8
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 Oh baby bring me down Group: Agents Posts: 4,115 Joined: 23-February 06 From: Way out yonder Member No.: 68 |
Take her someplace to get away from the situation for a bit.
-------------------- Southern Rock, beer and bears!
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Jun 9 2007, 03:34 PM
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#9
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 Group: Moderators Posts: 2,558 Joined: 22-February 06 From: Seoul, South Korea Member No.: 28 |
QUOTE (chook @ Jun 9 2007, 02:33 PM) Take her someplace to get away from the situation for a bit. give her a snickers --------------------  |
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Jun 9 2007, 03:54 PM
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#10
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CHEE CHEE Group: Members Posts: 5,026 Joined: 23-February 06 From: trapped in the hoezone layer Member No.: 39 |
So shes acting like her moms dead already?
Seriously. -------------------- Little monkeys making money
Naked monkey looking funny Mighty males are strong and free Female monkey, not so lucky Rocking monkeys, funky monkeys Monkeys sticking other monkeys Monkeys wrong or monkeys right Mostly flexing monkey might |
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Jun 9 2007, 04:55 PM
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#11
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 Fantastic! Group: Members Posts: 219 Joined: 23-February 06 From: Portales, NM Member No.: 51 |
QUOTE (jonathan83 @ Jun 9 2007, 04:34 PM) give her a snickers Shouldn't that be a Twix? --------------------  |
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Jun 9 2007, 05:44 PM
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#12
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I was raised on the dairy, BITCH! Group: Members Posts: 3,080 Joined: 23-February 06 From: Cedar Park Member No.: 49 |
QUOTE (Testm0nkey @ Jun 9 2007, 04:54 PM) So shes acting like her moms dead already? Seriously. Yeah. That's what gets me. People react weird with cases like cancer. Sure it's generally fatal but there are a lot of cancer survivors. The best thing is to be positive and do everything you can to help that person (with cancer) stay positive and healthy. -------------------- "Ah, y'know it's funny, these people they go to sleep, they think everything's fine, everything's good. They wake up the next day and they're on fire."
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Jun 9 2007, 05:51 PM
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#13
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 Group: Moderators Posts: 1,551 Joined: 19-April 06 From: Lubbock Member No.: 162 |
QUOTE (pysex @ Jun 9 2007, 06:44 PM) Yeah. That's what gets me. People react weird with cases like cancer. Sure it's generally fatal but there are a lot of cancer survivors. The best thing is to be positive and do everything you can to help that person (with cancer) stay positive and healthy. actually with all of the new medicines and advancements, cancer is a fairly survivable disease. Alot of people I know (many my age, actually) have had cancer and survived. Just stay positive. Cancer is not a death sentence these days. It's a very serious, tough, thing to deal with and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but its curable at least. -------------------- Je suis toute du merde.
....bitches!!!!! |
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Jun 9 2007, 05:54 PM
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#14
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 Group: Agents Posts: 4,026 Joined: 23-February 06 From: lu-bok Member No.: 41 |
get her a gift card to wig shop
-------------------- 32-bit whore
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Jun 9 2007, 06:25 PM
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#15
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I was raised on the dairy, BITCH! Group: Members Posts: 3,080 Joined: 23-February 06 From: Cedar Park Member No.: 49 |
QUOTE (griseyeux @ Jun 9 2007, 06:51 PM) actually with all of the new medicines and advancements, cancer is a fairly survivable disease. Alot of people I know (many my age, actually) have had cancer and survived. Just stay positive. Cancer is not a death sentence these days. It's a very serious, tough, thing to deal with and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but its curable at least. CANCER TREATMENT CENTERS OF AMERICA! -------------------- "Ah, y'know it's funny, these people they go to sleep, they think everything's fine, everything's good. They wake up the next day and they're on fire."
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Jun 10 2007, 09:36 AM
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#16
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 Formerly known as Ctex Group: Members Posts: 294 Joined: 22-February 06 From: Dallas Member No.: 23 |
QUOTE (Testm0nkey @ Jun 9 2007, 04:54 PM) So shes acting like her moms dead already? Seriously. I don't see where it says she's acting like her mom's dead already. Maybe I missed it somewhere. |
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Jun 10 2007, 11:53 AM
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#17
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CHEE CHEE Group: Members Posts: 5,026 Joined: 23-February 06 From: trapped in the hoezone layer Member No.: 39 |
if hes sweating over simply what to say and looking for ways to help her. specifically looking for ways to help out immediately thats what it seems like.
get off my gooch jascour! -------------------- Little monkeys making money
Naked monkey looking funny Mighty males are strong and free Female monkey, not so lucky Rocking monkeys, funky monkeys Monkeys sticking other monkeys Monkeys wrong or monkeys right Mostly flexing monkey might |
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Jun 10 2007, 12:47 PM
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#18
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Fool Group: Members Posts: 2,127 Joined: 23-February 06 From: LBB Member No.: 56 |
Why can't it be Courjas??
-------------------- Spam? Isn't that something poor people eat?
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Jun 10 2007, 06:50 PM
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#19
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Formerly known as Ctex Group: Members Posts: 294 Joined: 22-February 06 From: Dallas Member No.: 23 |
QUOTE (Testm0nkey @ Jun 10 2007, 12:53 PM) if hes sweating over simply what to say and looking for ways to help her. specifically looking for ways to help out immediately thats what it seems like. get off my gooch jascour! Ahhh ok. I remember when my mom had cancer it was pretty tough. Her first doctor started crying and told her she would die in 3 weeks. My mom got a second opinion and she's still alive today almost 15 years later! |
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Jun 10 2007, 09:52 PM
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#20
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 From Atlantis to Interzone Group: Global Moderators Posts: 2,512 Joined: 23-February 06 From: Somewhere in space and time Member No.: 65 |
QUOTE (Junsui @ Jun 10 2007, 07:50 PM) Ahhh ok. I remember when my mom had cancer it was pretty tough. Her first doctor started crying and told her she would die in 3 weeks. My mom got a second opinion and she's still alive today almost 15 years later! That's one bit of advice that would be good to follow. Before you do anything major after a major diagnosis like cancer, it's generally best to seek a second opinion. Otherwise, you could end up like the lady who had her breasts removed because the doctors mixed up her lab results (although I feel worse for the lady who probably thought she didn't have cancer when she did). -------------------- QUOTE (Spectatrix @ Oct 13 2006, 09:51 PM) Holy shit, pebkac, you're awesome! "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Theodor Seuss Geisel (AKA Dr. Seuss) "An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all." - Oscar Wilde |
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Jun 11 2007, 08:47 AM
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#21
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 New son Donovan Charles Mummert born July 17, 2008 Group: Members Posts: 8,635 Joined: 22-February 06 From: Port Wentworth, GA Member No.: 15 |
A super close friend of mine had her mom pass away last mother's day of cancer. Her mom fought cancer for 3 years even though she was originally only given 3 months to live. Her mom is by far the strongest person I have ever met. She fought hard to stay alive for her 4 kids. I didnt know what to tell Sarah when her mom passed away. I mean, Sarah dropped out of high school when she was 15 to take care of her mom and work to support her family. I spoke from my heart. I told her that her mom was such a wonderful person and that I was glad I got to know her. I told Sarah that I know her mom was super proud of her for everything she did for her... bathed her, changed her diapers (towards the end the cancer spread to her brain and they couldnt afford to keep her in the hospital), raised the 3 little ones (one of the kids was 2 when she was diagnosed), worked, paid some of the bills.... I just spoke from the heart. While her mom was going through it, I just made sure to always talk to her. A lot of people stopped talking to her because they were afraid and didnt know what to tell her when they talked to her. Dont do this to your friend. Sarah would always tell me how much she missed everybody and couldnt believe that everyone pretty much stopped being her friend. It was super sad. Just tell her you are there for her, support her, take her places to get away every once in a while, maybe send her mom some flowers, and hope for the best.
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Jun 11 2007, 09:17 AM
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#22
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Group: Members Posts: 926 Joined: 2-May 07 Member No.: 1,015 |
Thanks guys for the tips.
Took her out yesterday just so she could get away from being in her room all the time, and it seemed that she was getting back to normal. And they are looking at a 2nd opinion to verify, so we'll see what happens. -------------------- |
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Jun 11 2007, 11:53 AM
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#23
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I was raised on the dairy, BITCH! Group: Members Posts: 3,080 Joined: 23-February 06 From: Cedar Park Member No.: 49 |
QUOTE (blaarg @ Jun 11 2007, 10:17 AM) Thanks guys for the tips. Took her out yesterday just so she could get away from being in her room all the time, and it seemed that she was getting back to normal. And they are looking at a 2nd opinion to verify, so we'll see what happens. I recommend giving them any information about CTCA (Cancer Treatment Centers of America). They've helped so many people defeat cancer and the emotional and mental problems it can cause. -------------------- "Ah, y'know it's funny, these people they go to sleep, they think everything's fine, everything's good. They wake up the next day and they're on fire."
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Jun 11 2007, 09:40 PM
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#24
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 Group: Members Posts: 41 Joined: 24-February 06 Member No.: 72 |
You don't always have to know the right things to say to help someone get through the illness of a family member or friend. It could turn out that this cancer is very treatable or it might be real fight. In either case your friend will be so glad to have someone that just listens, and admits to not knowing the answers. I would never undermine the triumph of someone defeating a serious illness, but I know from experience that those stories about so and so's mother having the same thing get old because you start to hear so many of them, and you just want to be selfish and believe that nobody else has ever felt the same fear and anger that you feel right now. Let her vent, cry, & whine, give her a little bit of freedom to be a bitch. I'm sure you would do all these things for her anyway, and that's the kind of friend that really helps.
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