boy and me, interracial, interpolitical, interreligion dating Options

[Inferia]

So there's this guy I like, I've known him for a while now, but nothing really happened. We've talked some regarding relationships, his and mine, I think most of the time the talk is prompted by me. I can't tell if he likes me or not, or just sees me as a little sister type of thing. I've never really been in this situation before. He's not the type who would just do random/causal dating, he has to be able to see a future with the girl before he really dates her, and I am more or less the same way. But there seems to be so many uncertainties that stands between us. The best way to describe him is all American, I can't really find any other words for it. It's not that big of a deal, but interracial relationships always make me a little bit nervous. But more importantly, he is catholic, and a fairly religious catholic (I guess I am more or less agnostic). He told me that he hasn't totally eliminated the possible of not marrying a catholic girl, but he thinks it would be kind of sad if the wife doesn't go to church with the family. He is also somewhat republican, and I'm more democrate, but I guess I don't known if this should be a big deal. The other thing is, he is a friend, I see him every single day for lunch, and he will be moving into the house I currently live in in July right next door to my room. I don't really want to make him feel uncomfortable with any talks of a relationship if he is not interested. I guess I just don't want it to be awkward between us since we will be seeing a lot of each other. So I don't really know what to do.

[cupcake]

whoa slow down sister!

y'all aren't dating and you're talking about marriage possibility?!?

first things first, interracial happens. interpolitical DEFINITELY happens. and interreligion happens.

people find ways to make that shit work...and over time you kind of morph...no sweat.

what matters truly or not is how he feels about YOU. not your thoughts on healthcare.

I recently heard that a girl who I was real close with in college had it hard for me. I never once knew it, nor did I see her like that...she was a sister type. I now feel sad and bad for her that all that time she was smitten, while I'm over there checking out other chicks.

I hope for you that isn't the case here.

one sure fire way to remove yourself from any friend zone doubt, is to be more upfront with him about it all. screw making him uncomfortable...better than you having a wounded heart.

I sincerely wish you all the luck and well wishes in the world. the only chink in my armor is true, pure, fresh romantic possibility...

[FORSAKENR320]

i never understood why women worry so much over the "friend" issue. women ruin more potential good relationships by putting guys in the "friends zone" guys do it too, but it's fanatical among girls. i swear, sometimes i wanna slap a bitch upside the head with a duct tape covered brick because of that shit. wouldn't it be BETTER to be in a relationship with someone you get along with already and know more intimately? that's been the majority of my dating experience, dating friends, and it hasn't gone wrong often. the key is just keeping things from getting awkward after the break up. but if you're getting into a relationship knowing you'll break up eventually, you're dating for the wrong reasons.

[Inferia]

Marriage or not, that's kind of how I analyze relationships, and I think it's the same way for him too. Interracial, interpolitical, interreligion, hand me any of one of them I can handle, heck I think I could even take a combination, but the trifecta kind of throws me off a bit. It seems like we may be too different. That is not the case for me cupcake, as far as I know he's only had one relationship and I've never seen him hit on anyone. Would you have dated the girl who had it hard for you?

I would probably perfer to date a friend (actually I wouldn't know cuz I've never dated a friend), but it's the prospect that he doesn't like me and we get into this awkward space. Perhaps I wouldn't care as much if we didn't "work together" (he works down the hall from me) and live together, but it's another thing if I have to see him day in and day out. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from him, perhaps that is because I like him. I end up analyzing (or over analyzing) his every move if it's just a friendly move, or more. I don't have any siblings so I don't really know how brothers and sisters behave around each other. But he has said that when he's around from home, he needs someone to push around. I've always thought of him as a smooth operater, if not that at least someone who's up front about what he wants. Maybe he isn't... I guess currently, I'm just waiting for him to move in and see what happens then. It's funny two of his labmates have asked him (and me) if I'm his girlfriend.

[Mommy]

Whats the point of dating someone if you cant see yourself married to that person? I think thats the point Inferia is trying to make. I agree with her there.

Other than that, Cupcake (hah still sounds gay) is right on the money

[cupcake]

I belive dating is more an interview and time to get to know someone and see if you're compatible.

how the hell would you know if you're gonna marry them or not if you've never even gone on one date? the chick logic here baffles me...

regardless, no inferia, I would have never dated her. I wasn't attracted to her at all. I just was good pals with her.

if you and this guy are looks-equal, then that would be cool. I had a galpal who was attractive once. I didn't figure she liked me, so I was just cool with being rad friends because she was a blast.

one night she comes home from a date (we lived on the same floor of the apts) and knocks on my door and is all saying she digs me...at which point, it was on like donkey kong.

I tell you this because if he is on a higher level of good looks than you, then no he's probably not into you "that way". if it's pretty even...then go for it.

[Mommy]

well, some people just date to date... even if they dont think they are compatible with a person. They just want casual relationships and nothing serious. Youre right. It is like an interview....but an interview to see if you are compatible... compatible to take the relationship further...compatible to be married.

[cupcake]

right...but that's why people break up? you get to a point and you're not seeing it go further, or maybe the other person isn't.

I'm more concerned with inferia either:

1. barking up the wrong tree...as in if he is way out of her league or not.

2. not doing anything about it and just harboring these feelings, which is not good, and by doing that you cut yourself off from perhaps someone who does feel that way, but you can't see it because you're pining away for some guy.

awkward be damned...if you want no doubts, be up front with him about how you are feeling.

[impala454]

show him your tits















-or-

Just casually, slowly introduce the idea that you want more out of the relationship. "Accidentally" grab his hand and hold it for a sec. Get a little more touchy feely, just squeeze his shoulder, knee, or arm every now and then. Give him an extra big hug, etc. See how he reacts and don't over analyze. If he shys away from it, he's probably not interested in anything further than what you already have. But honestly, touch is a huge factor. Most women I have known who were interested in a guy, or even (shocker) me, stepped up the touchy feely some, and that sent enough messages without some creepy "let's talk" kinda thing. And usually if the guy shys away from it, he won't feel weird or anything and you can generally stay friends.

kinda strange thing though... he's moving into your house?

edit; oh yeah and was gonna mention, don't worry about the political stuff or anything else. that goes for friends as well as relationships. i know i had some friends who were on the complete opposite side of the spectrum as me. we didn't care, we didn't talk about it much. or if we did, we'd argue about it some, but hey good friends can argue like that and not get all huffy about it.

[Inferia]

well if dating is like an interview, we've been through that part already, but just as friends. We've asked each other what I consider fairly date-y questions. I don't know how we compare looks wise, he's cute, and I don't think I'm unfortunate looking, and I've always had trouble judging interracial look-equalities.

on the issue of touch, I feel like he's touched me more tha I've touched him. I mean, he pushes me around sometimes, and once he put his arm around me, which makes me think that maybe he's interested. Then he does other things that make me think we're just friends, it's like a little sister type of thing. I guess next time I go over to his house to watch a movie I can just lean on him or something. And yeah, he's moving to the room next to mine, I live in a house with a bunch of people in my department.

[impala454]

ah yes, good, the lean works well too

[cupcake]

he's pushing you around and crap? sounds like a flirty, don't know what to do kind of youth frustration...

here is what I want you to do...

how are you dressing around him right now? jeans, tshirt, normal stuff? you need to advertise your sex for him. I'm not saying act like a slut or give it up, but show him you can turn up the heat. even if you don't feel particularly sexy, fake the funk...and dude yourself up for him one night/day...see how he reacts.

you're asian right? ever thought of playing that up in a way that won't send mixed messages? like dress up all asian fantasy like a school girl with pigtails or something and act all coy and aloof...

that may be over the top for you, but that shit would work like catnip...meow...

[Mommy]

Its always going to be awkward living with someone you have feelings for. Been there done that. Weird thing is that when I lived with him, I had a small crush on him. After we lived together I found out that he had a pretty big crush on me but didnt want to ruin the friendship when we lived together by telling me. Maybe thats what is going on with this guy.

[cupcake]

fuck it all...

next movie night, straddle his lap and plant one on him.

NO REGRETS!!! NO SURRENDER!!! IF YOU HESITATE, YOU WILL NOT KILL!!! BLOOD MAKES THE GRASS GROW!!! PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!!! SEMPER FI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Inferia]

Yeah, today at lunch he sat next to me and leaned against my elbow (like little kids do when they claim a certain desk space) and tried to push my arm off of the table. Sometimes he would push me around like I'm in his way when we're walking down the hall.

I dress how I normally dress for work. I don't really think he's interested in the Asian stuff, at least I prefer it not to be like that. He's seen me in dresses and stuff when we go out to a bar or a movie or something, and a couple of times he said I look nice. But I can't tell if that's just a friend paying a complement to another friend, or more. I don't think the sexy stuff work on him, because he's said to me he doesn't really like it when girls dresses very provocatively. Man, why the hell do I know all this...

I guess I'll look cute for next movie night.

[Mommy]

There is a difference between dressing cute and dressing slutty. The next time you two watch a movie and you decide to do this lean thing, look cute! Hey, if it doesnt make him any more interested than he already might be, at least it will give you more confidence!

[cupcake]

he has a penis. sexy works.

there's a difference in having your chest falling out everywhere and looking sexy.

I don't recall saying "you look nice tonight" to anyone I didn't want to bone...

[Inferia]

I'm pretty sure he's a virgin, and I'm pretty sure he wants to stay that way till he gets married.

Oh man, he was just in this room, I must have turned bright red cuz I thought I left this page up.

[cupcake]

I guess I'll look cute for next movie night.
_________

for the win...

and don't forget to straddle!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mommy]

I guess I'll look cute for next movie night.
_________

for the win...

and don't forget to straddle!!!!!!!!!!!

haha ummm i dont know if the straddle thing would go over well with a virgin!

[Inferia]

I'll try cupcake, I'll try

[cupcake]

I'm pretty sure he's a virgin, and I'm pretty sure he wants to stay that way till he gets married.

nevermind, I'm the worst person in the world to ask for this situation...

[Inferia]

nevermind, I'm the worst person in the world to ask for this situation...

Haha...

[impala454]

I don't recall saying "you look nice tonight" to anyone I didn't want to bone...

bingo (or at least maybe "have a relationship with" in place of "bone" heheh)

and "next movie night"??? it sounds to me like you're already dating just step up the touchy feely and I think you'll be good. esp if it seems like he's already given you a little.

[Mommy]

nevermind, I'm the worst person in the world to ask for this situation...

SLUT!

[cupcake]

SLUT!

recovered, reformed, slut...kthx.

[Inferia]

bingo (or at least maybe "have a relationship with" in place of "bone" heheh)

and "next movie night"??? it sounds to me like you're already dating just step up the touchy feely and I think you'll be good. esp if it seems like he's already given you a little.

We're not dating, I guess I've just been seeing a lot of him lately outside of work, cuz we've doing these Hitchcockathon nights at his apartment (which is basically where all these uncertainties came from too). And most of the other personal stuff I know about him stems from this road trip to a wedding we went to.

[John6.7]

So I guess religion and political affiliation does matter in a relationship? I thought eharmony just didn’t want to deal with non Christians.

But the new roommate/dating thing would be weird.

[Inferia]

So I guess religion and political affiliation does matter in a relationship? I thought eharmony just didn’t want to deal with non Christians.

I feel like unless you know the person already, it's an easy way to judge someone using religion and political affiliations.

[John6.7]

I feel like unless you know the person already, it's an easy way to judge someone using religion and political affiliations.

Still can't see how that stuff would matter, But I'm the non-voting atheist.

[cupcake]

best relationships I've ever had have been with a liberal, a heeb, a mormon, and an atheist.

most toxic one was with a conservative protestant like myself.

go figure.

[Mommy]

meh. I think its cool to meet on some issues that way two people can rant or rave together. Its easy to overcome though if the views are different. You just have to be an open-minded person and respect their different viewpoints.

best relationships I've ever had have been with a liberal, a heeb, a mormon, and an atheist.

most toxic one was with a conservative protestant like myself.

go figure.

whats a heeb? I have never heard that term before

[cupcake]

jew...

heeeeebrew...

[Mommy]

oooo i see

[FORSAKENR320]

show him your tits



we didn't care, we didn't talk about it much. or if we did, we'd argue about it some, but hey good friends can argue like that and not get all huffy about it.

yes, i agree, show him your tits, or a surprise blow job




and funny you mentioned the 2nd part impala, my friend brian used to get in super heated discussions and arguements over religions that weren't even out own. one time he and i ended up throwing a king james bible and one of the mormon books we had at each other, screamed and ranted for awhile.

then we went to The Kettle and had pancakes

[Dogmeat]

if a guy spends any time whatsoever hanging out with a girl, talking to a girl, anything ..... %99 of the time he has sexual boy-thoughts about her

Trust me

This could mean hookup alone, or relationship ... but, if he wasn't thinking about how different the fact that you have a vagina and he doesn't makes you two from each other, you'd never have anything for a relationship .... so you have to have sexthoughts no matter what, which I think he does.

[RitalinJunkie]

Go on a camping trip with him at some point. Men cannot lie around the campfire (unless it is specifically story telling time).


as weird as it seems....its pretty damn true

[chook]

haha ummm i dont know if the straddle thing would go over well with a virgin!

It worked with me with the Filipino girl. Go for it Inferia!

[Dogmeat]

Go on a camping trip with him at some point. Men cannot lie around the campfire (unless it is specifically story telling time).
as weird as it seems....its pretty damn true

don't go camping alone with a guy unless you desire for his penis to wind up inside of your pussy at some point during the night .....

[Mommy]

don't go camping alone with a guy unless you desire for his penis to wind up inside of your pussy at some point during the night .....

wait... didnt you ask me if I wanted to go camping sometime....

[Dogmeat]

wait... didnt you ask me if I wanted to go camping sometime....

[Divergent Realit...]

interracial and religion and that shit dont matter much.

im a fucking posterboy for that.

just work it and see how it goes. if he says big brother, leave it at that. if not see where it rolls. there may be some differences but if you cant work it out, then the two of you probably shouldnt be in that type of relationship.

[Inferia]

update, so he and I had another super long talk on religion and I guess personal beliefs in my case. Religion to him is a very important thing, at one point I asked him will he only marry someone who is Catholic, and the answer is more or less yes. I don't think I will ever convert, and I don't think I should ever convert for anyone but myself. I guess it's not going to work out, which is kinda of a shame in the end.

[Mommy]

that really sucks. well, just keep hanging out... you never know. Dont crush on him, but dont end the friendship over this either. Life deals cards out in a very interesting way sometimes

[FORSAKENR320]

that really sucks. well, just keep hanging out... you never know. Dont crush on him, but dont end the friendship over this either. Life deals cards out in a very interesting way sometimes

true, maybe the guy will grow up... i remember those early relationships, just idiots making unrealistic demands and expectations from a relationship they have no idea how to make work in the first place...

like groping for a handhold in the dark..... but absolutely sure they know exactly where they are going.


feh

[Mommy]

Im not a playa... I just crush a lot



I dont know why I felt the need to say that *shrug*

[FORSAKENR320]

Im not a playa... I just crush a lot
I dont know why I felt the need to say that *shrug*

i have no idea how to respond to this... so..... jessica is a slut

[Mommy]

i have no idea how to respond to this... so..... jessica is a slut

TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE!









OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BURN!

[Inferia]

Thanks guys. And this sure is one interesting card that life's dealt. I doubt we'll stop being friends over this, but I don't really feel like doing much more pushing. Granted I never explicitly express that I liked him, but I feel like you much be an idiot to not to pick up the intention behind the questions.

[FORSAKENR320]

[chook]

Thanks guys. And this sure is one interesting card that life's dealt. I doubt we'll stop being friends over this, but I don't really feel like doing much more pushing. Granted I never explicitly express that I liked him, but I feel like you much be an idiot to not to pick up the intention behind the questions.

I think you should become catholic , read the Forge, probably can find it in a local library. My parents really push for me to date catholics, and I do nothing but disappoint them. Sorry to derail a bit, but I am currently talking to a catholic girl, and haven't been mopey enough yet!

[Mommy]

I bet I would be a million times happier if I would start dating guys with a religous background similar to mine. I date all these guys that are agnostic, and while I dont go to church, pray, or read the Bible anymore.... religion was always a huge part of my life. I think she is better off finding someone similar to herself in beliefs. Thats just my opinion though.

[Inferia]

I really don't have a problem with dating a Catholic, but I do have a problem dating someone who has a problem dating someone how is not the same religion as he.

[impala454]

i thought you were engaged to will or something

[Mommy]

i thought you were engaged to will or something

1) Will and I were never engaged. It was a joke on facebook

2) Will and I broke up 2 weeks ago.

[FORSAKENR320]

1) Will and I were never engaged. It was a joke on facebook

2) Will and I broke up 2 weeks ago.

she's on the prowl...

gad dammit, reminded me of this song, and now i can't get it outta my head!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cR7W-MU1rA

Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love!

[impala454]

f'n facebook jokes

[Mommy]

she's on the prowl...

gad dammit, reminded me of this song, and now i can't get it outta my head!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cR7W-MU1rA

Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love!

I actually like that song for some weird reason, even though I hate the genre.



Yeah, I just want to be single for a while. No prowling here.

[FORSAKENR320]

I actually like that song for some weird reason, even though I hate the genre.



Yeah, I just want to be single for a while. No prowling here.

understandable.

ive been with lauren happily for about 2.5 years now. not looking to be single at all, but occassionally i do miss the freedom of going out to the clubs without worry of reprocussions from meeting someone. heh.

[Mommy]

understandable.

ive been with lauren happily for about 2.5 years now. not looking to be single at all, but occassionally i do miss the freedom of going out to the clubs without worry of reprocussions from meeting someone. heh.

Its not even that I want to go to clubs and meet guys... I dont want that. I just dont want a guy right now. heh

[Seeker]

In all honesty, the guy just isn't that into you. If he was you would know it and wouldn't have to be posting a thread on here.

[impala454]

it sounds to me like he is into her, but doesn't want anything more since they don't share the religious views.

[Psykopath]

Its not even that I want to go to clubs and meet guys... I dont want that. I just dont want a guy right now. heh

ah...




EAT UP!

[Mommy]

=( NO! no pussy either!

[FORSAKENR320]

=( NO! no pussy either!

damn. i know several people on here who would prolly pay to see that

[Mommy]

well, too bad im not that hard up for cash....yet

[FORSAKENR320]

ha

[Mommy]

wait... how much money are we talking about here?

[FORSAKENR320]

this calls for a poll!